Do you feel like you struggle to understand men? In more than a decade of coaching women, a question I get more and more often from my female clients after they meet someone is “How do I know if he’s a ‘keeper’?”
What is really surprising to me is how often these questions come from women who are in their 30s and 40s. These women have a lot of life experience, and I always have to ask them the same question – When did you stop trusting your gut and your intuition?
Very often when women say they are having trouble understanding men, they are really just neglecting to trust their own gut and their own intuition. Understanding men is not nearly as complicated as many women believe it to be.
In the case of wanting to know whether a man is a “keeper,” the way to evaluate that is to look at a few very simple things about the man’s behavior and at how that man makes you feel. Understanding men can be as simple as observing what he is doing, and how he is making you feel.
For instance, if a man does things that make you happy then that’s how you know he may be a “keeper.” He pays attention to you when you’re talking. A man who takes you out on dates to places or to do things that interest both of you. A man who actually pays attention to all the things that you say and the conversation is effortless. All of these things are signs that a man is a “keeper.”
The key to understanding men for women is to know that while men are wired differently than women, what is always most important in evaluating whether someone is a potential connection is to look at how they treat you and how they make you feel.
If you’re able to share the same interests or enjoy the same TV shows, for example, that is someone with whom you may be more likely to be compatible. You do not need to like all the same things, though, in order for someone to be the right one for you.
How you understand men and know whether a man is a keeper is seeing whether he’s into you, whether he pays attention to you and whether he listens to you in every way. So understanding men is very often all about observing their actions.
How do you know if a man is not a “keeper?” Understanding that kind of man is just as easy. Does he try to have sex with you but doesn’t want to connect with you in any other way? That man is easy to understand. A man who plays games, is evasive and ignores you is not a “keeper.”
Compare that to the man who calls you every day just to check in and see how you are doing. He texts you back right away. He calls you back right away. He’s concerned about you and if he is interested in who you are as a person. A man like this is a “keeper.”
Many times women feel like they need to learn about understanding men when they don’t like how a man is acting or treating them. They want me to tell them that certain things they don’t like about what men do or say has nothing to do with whether a man is right for them, and is instead because men just express themselves differently as a gender.
I’m sorry to tell you that while understanding how men ARE wired differently is invaluable in knowing how to meet and attract men — and even in some aspects of understanding differences in conversation and communication styles — that understanding men in certain areas is as simple as looking at what they are doing.
So when you want to know whether a man is a “keeper,” you need to ask yourself some questions. What turns you on as a woman? What turns you on mentally? What turns you on physically?
Understanding men in this situation requires you to take an honest look at the man with whom you’re currently involved and see whether he meeting your needs in all of those areas. You need to also see whether he is just playing around and messing with your head.
A man who satisfies you emotionally and mentally is a “keeper.” A man is a keeper if he does all those things and much more. Understanding men is looking honestly at their behavior.
If you are a woman who has real trouble evaluating whether a man is a “keeper” or who consistently dates men who are not “keepers,” then you need to start looking deeper into yourself to see really why you put up with men that aren’t keepers and why men who aren’t keepers seem to be sticking around in your life.
I can tell you volumes of information about how to understand men and exactly how they are wired. In fact that is a big part of what I teach to women every day. One of the other big things I teach women, though, is how to create within themselves the ability to trust themselves when they are dating men. So the next time you want to know if a man is a “keeper,” remember to trust yourself about what is going on …. you will make the right decision every time.